Ramblings from the 'goblinn

Seven habits/quirks meme

2008-06-29T10:24:29Z

tagged by qui_quae_quod

I think I may have done something like this before, but I'll play.

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it."

1. I have no idea where my default picture actually came from. Some medieval manuscript I found right after I started my journal and was surfing around for cool pictures. It's not even the right size, really. I occasionally go out surfing and try to find what margin of what ms it's in.

2. The first time I was in Music Hall in Cincinnati, and in Carnegie Hall, I was onstage. Though I'm on hiatus now until Wee Hob can be relied upon to not burn down the house or invite the neighborhood over while I'm gone, I was a member of the May Festival Chorus. When I go back, I should be eligible for my 5 year service pin.

3. I eat Chinese food with chopsticks. Even rice. Other than that, coordinated is not a word I'd use for self-description.

4. I can usually come up with a viable harmony to a song by the second verse; sometimes by the chorus, if it's simple enough. I also compose music, though I seldom write it down. If I've heard a song, I can probably play it, especially hymn tune type music. I play piano by ear.

5. I own, and have worn, a class A Boy Scout uniform. It says "Troop Committee" on the arm patch. I do not yet have the cool patch that says "trained" on it.

6. A quick look at my first few posts will reveal that I was way more lost than any of the newcomers on my friends list now: Hob's Journal, Sept 2006

(I had to change my journal layout in order to access my calendar to get that link. So there's another bonus fact: I change my journal layout more often than some folks change their socks. I don't do anything more than use the pre-configured layouts, though I will change fonts if it's permitted on that layout. I'm fond of Papyrus as a font.)

7. I seldom follow the rules of meme-age, so I generally tag back "whoever wants to do it." It gives me the same vicarious thrill I get from deleting chain letters unread or deliberately breaking them and heaping still more bad luck upon my unfortunate self.

If you want to do this, consider yourself tagged.

Meme: Top 5 favorite reads

2008-06-27T23:18:30Z

Tagged by angelmischa. Here are my top 5 favorite books, that I can remember in my current state of extreme stress and beer induced wooziness. Due to said wooziness, they are in no particular order:

Carole Nelson Douglas' Goodnight, Mr. Holmes and its sequels.
I also am fond of Laurie King's Sherlock Holmes pastiches and her other, non-holmesian fiction, but This is the series I go back to more often. The narrative voice of Penelope "Nell" Huxleigh is fresh and inventive, a worthy sidekick to that other great sleuth and mind of the age, Irene Adler, and a wonderful counterpoint to Holmes' Watson. How these character keep interacting, and how Nell changes over the course of the series, is really wonderfully fun to watch. Yeah, it's fanfic of a sort, but it, as all really good fanfic does, tells us more about the characters we know from canon, and about ourselves. I hope CND revisits this universe sometime. I have never been able to get through her Midnight Louie books (hard boiled detective who happens to be a cat. Sounds like a fantastic and funny idea on paper, but I just can't get into that world.)

Pamela Dean - Tam Lin
I found this one on an honor paperbacks rack in a library years ago and fell in love with it. Blackstock is a lot like where I went to college, too, and I found I identified a lot with the narrator, Janet, especially when she was explaining to someone why she was an English major, something like: "Look, if somebody offered you a lot of money to read books all day and that was your favorite thing to do, wouldn't you do it?" The urban fantasy world created here, and the mystery, is creepy and compelling, and the allusions to Shakespeare and to Keats' "La Belle Dame sans Merci" and of course to the ballad version of Tam Lin are really well executed. I found this recently at Half Price Books and snatched it up-- I think it's been out of print for some time.

JK Rowling - first three HP books.
These three books had been published when I decided to read the first to see what all the fuss was about, and whether or not I thought they were suitable for my then 9 year old son (not Wee Hob, but his older brother. Check the St. Crispin's Day and Anniversary Dates tags for details if you're curious.) All the continuity errors and narrative infelicities aside, and the train wreck of theme and message later in the series aside, these books had such a profound effect on me at the time that, in all three cases, I Immediately began rereading the one I had just completed because I couldn't check the next one out yet from the library, and I loved her world so much I didn't want to leave it.

Orson Scott Card - Ender's Game
I love anything by Orson Scott Card, really-- such a gifted storyteller, and he writes great fanfiction (in the good sense) of his own work. The way he goes back and retells Ender's Game from other viewpoints is really neat. I'd classify my reaction to this as the same as to Heinlein's Space Cadet, only the book and the writing are more complex and satisfying for an adult. I almost suggested it to Wee Hob, but decided to reread first recently and-- yeah. He's a little young, yet. But He's a lot like Ender Wiggin, in his courage and his ability to figure things out, and I can see him someday really liking this world.

Charles de Lint - Jack of Kinrowan (Jack the Giant Killer and its sequel Drink Down the Moon in one volume).
This one was probably my first exposure to the Urban Fantasy Genre, and in fact I was bummed some years later to read Memory and Dream and realize that what he was up to there was the same thing I was doing with my then and still half finished first novel. Only Better of Course. But the twists on the Jack the Giant Killer fairy tales in this series (Jack's a woman named "Jackie", for starters) are really clever, and the energy and inventiveness of the tale and the world carry you along. I'd love to live in de Lint's world, where magic and the otherworld are Real for those who can see it. I love other authors in this mold like Neil Gaiman, but I have to admit a soft spot for de Lint, who introduced me to the genre.

I won't tag anyone, but if you do it, ping me with a link, as I may be a bit busy this weekend.

Book Meme revisited, etc.

2008-06-27T00:29:33Z

I think this is a slightly different list than the one currently making the rounds, but I cannot make myself do the formatting required manually just now. But if anyone wants to see it, there it is. Maybe next year.

Wasn't a terrible day, though I did have to restrain myself when a job that has been running for 14 Months has suddenly been written up for having a barcode error (all docs are a single page but read as 1 of 2 in the code, though the human readable says 1 of 1). This is more from our QC wizard, about whom I will say nothing else, except that I begin to feel sorry for the poor bastard. He's been in this environment for so long blaming all and sundry, and old habits die hard. I do wish he would take aim at someone else. The Customer Action Request report is supposed to be for things the Customer has demanded a refund on, not to nail more blame on a particular person. I joked today that I need to get a Blue Book and sell some of the CARs I seem to be accumulating so rapidly.

On the upside, I have been asked to take a road trip to Columbus sometime soon and meet the new company's QC guy, with the aim of making me, perhaps, the QC person for development, if not for the company. I really impressed my new Workflowone boss at our last Quality Process Improvement Meeting, and he was brilliant at redirecting the discussion to positive things we could change when Mr. QC started beating me up. Again. I could take it, but boy was I glad the guy was there. To see what we've been up again all this time, if nothing else.

For anyone who has missed it, tnl_awards is now in the voting stage (the awards have a judged and popular component.) Drop by and try some really outstanding HP fic, and by all means vote if the mood strikes you-- I'm up in a couple of categories myself. Do read the rules before you jump in, though.

"This could be mathier." Wee Hob and the Mathematics Experiments.

And Wee Hob and I tackled some math together tonight. I don't think I can force him or myself through the whole book. But I showed him my mod11 checksum and we worked through it by hand and he liked that a lot. Mostly laughing at me, but also, he does the same thing I do when something clicks for him-- and it clicks in a different way than it does for other people. We get things in a flash of insight and then have to look back and figure out how we got there. It's saved me a lot at work, because I catch on quickly enough that people think I already know stuff when I really am just learning it. And while I don't do math particularly well, I can logic my way out of problems. Sometimes.

At any rate, I now have some cool math puzzle type books aimed at teens, including my personal fav, "Math Doesn't Suck" by Danica McKellar. I figure we'll have a full notebook for him either way, but he might not fight so hard if he hasn't really already done most of the problems (whether or not he actually turned them in.) Plus, he'll have to write down the problem and show his work to show whoever looks at the notebook he knew what he was doing and what he was trying to do in the first place.

Oh, This is Outstanding

2008-06-26T02:07:07Z

Ganked from ladyforash:

You're Ulysses!

by James Joyce

Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared
to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do
understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once
brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in
the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you
additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Ok. I feel better now.

Sigh

2008-06-26T00:18:54Z

So, if I ever reach the other side of menopause, will the monthly mood swings taper off at all? Just wondering. I don't think I've actually even got to this side, proper, but having something to hope for would be nice.

Just a very tense couple of days, and some errors at work, some of which are properly my fault, many more of which aren't, and a QC manager who is grasping so hard at trying to keep his job by actually overdoing it for the new overlords (which would beat the previous not doing anything at all, if I weren't the target of choice) and who thinks his job involves creating mountains of reports blaming people for things that go wrong. People who have never been trained on most of these things and who have no procedure for catching them if they had been. People who were already on tight timing thanks to getting incomplete and wrong information when they first asked for it, and got said information far too late in the game as it was.

So, is there any cheer to be had? Let's see. I do feel good that I completed my next chapter of "In Loco" before Monday's deadline, even if I can't post it until it's been beta'ed and rewritten at least. And that I have a groovy box for snarkysneak finally in my car with her address (though I haven't got to the mailing part just yet. Still. Box. In car. That's huge.) And I have been having great fun judging my categories of tnl_awards. I've read most of the fics in my assigned categories, but there were a few I hadn't and-- wow. When all is over I'll have to rec some here.

But for the most part, a meh and stressful day by turns, and I am Sure my trying a doppio con panna this morning in no way contributed to my hair trigger temper/giggles/twitchiness. At All.

Thanks, and looking forward to the weekend

2008-06-20T23:04:23Z

I just saw the final nominees list for The New Library Awards. This is the comm I have been incessantly reccing fics for since I stumbled across it soon after its inception, and have now somehow got roped into being a judge for the judged portion of the Awards. For those who hadn't heard, this is a very cool and ambitious new community, designed to bring attention to new and underappreciated authors in the Harry Potter fandom.

I will not, however, be judging in Serpensortia: Best Original Character, nor in Episkey: Best Gen Hurt/Comfort, nor in Diffindo: Best Gen Angst, as "Lost Boys" was nominated in all those categories. I have to own up; I nominated Lost Boys for some categories myself while submitting my great honking list of great fics. However, I did not nominate myself for best new author, and I did not second myself in any category at all. I was chuffed to have been nominated as best new author, but not at all crushed not to have made the final cut, because I'm not. Best new author, that is. And that's a Very Impressive List as it stands now.

But I'm pleased and humbled beyond measure to have had Lost Boys seconded in its categories, some of which I know are larger than the mods had intended, which means it got multiple seconds for some things to keep it in the running. So, thanks to any and everyone who made that happen. I urge all of you to go start reading that list of fics now and Vote when the time comes. I dipped in to a few things while making my seconding list and, wow. There is some really surprising neat stuff out there.

I still think zeegrindylows should have been nominated for her first completed fic Where Your Treasure Is (and I will rectify that for round 2), but I think in her case that fic is so good, people Thought it was by an established author in the fandom. It's already a classic and people think of it as such. The only reason I remembered to nominate "De Profundis" is that I had recced it on my journal back when it started and I used that list to compile my list (okay, jog my memory.)

But again, thanks. And now, what mischief does hobgoblinn have planned for the weekend?

Why, the annual Play Reading in the ~~Park~~ Backyard of my Friends' House. I got the idea 5 or 6 years ago, that I'd always wanted to read "A Midsummer Night's Dream" in a park, so I conned/cajoled/bullied my friends into coming out to Pyramid Hill Park with a picnic and copious amounts of Mead and Ale to aid the performance. We have since moved it to my friends' house, where we can stay late into the evening and have a proper bonfire/ Solstice celebration. We've done other plays, but this year we're back to Midsummer, and Wee Hob is itching to play Puck. We swap off parts every scene or so, to let everybody do some things they like. Wee Hob was so impressed, about the time I got him back, that I could recite Puck's last lines, from "Now the hungry lion roars, and the wolf behowls the moon..." and he himself can rattle through "If we shadows have offended" now. It should be a cool day. We also sometimes have a jam and I get to play piano for that, along with the Cincinnati Symphony's Principal Violist and my friend Rick, who is a working composer and flautist. It's always great fun, and I am beyond looking forward to it.

And finally, guess what I had to do at work today? If you guessed "Math", you would be right. I had to write and check a subroutine to generate a mod11 check digit for a numeric code, and then I had to manually calculate a few of the results to see if the number came up right. Wee Hob is still laughing about it.

Happy weekend to all.

Random

2008-06-20T00:30:42Z

First: cool map. Shows where I have been.

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Next, Wee Hob has an old friend back. His 7th grade math book. As he failed this final quarter due to an epic failure to Turn In His Homework, he will get the joy of doing some summer work. The school isn't demanding it, and in fact their plan is to put him back in basic math in the fall, but I've seen his IQ scores. Putting him back into a situation where he can coast, be bored and antagonize slower kids with his insufferable know it all ness is not the best plan I've ever heard.

So I took him out for Ice Cream yesterday (to make the entire discussion more tolerable) and we discussed what he liked about his math book (turning it in at year's end) and why he chose puke green for a book cover for it, and how we were going to tackle the material and why.

In the end we decided (since not doing anything was not an option) that he would start by taking the unit tests in the book. Anything lower than a 93% means he has to do the chapter tests to see where his problem is, and so on. The really fun part? Math challenged mama hobgoblinn also has to do the work as a check. I figure we're unlikely to get the same Wrong answer. And if I do badly, I have to do the work and he has to do stuff to check me. Plus be insufferable at me that he knows it and I don't.

At the end of the summer we turn in the book and his notebook and ask for a placement test, and hope he passes it and impresses them enough that they let him into the regular classes. I think this tandem homework thing is going to have to carry over into the school year, as apparently whatever I'm doing is not working. Though I'm still convinced he's doing a lot of the work and losing it, as he is so disorganized.

That's really all for now. I have ch9 of In Loco nearly ready for beta and a start on 10. But I really need to get cracking on Summer of Giles here. Soon.

Random

2008-06-14T14:00:05Z

Just some random stuff for the week that was.

Well, what a week it's been. Some very sad news, with the deaths of four fine young Boy Scouts in Iowa, and the flooding, and the death of much admired journalist Tim Russert. Our scout troop put off starting their camp out last night because of the thunderstorm watch, something I don't think they've ever done before. But a lot of parents were anxious about it. I know I went home and hugged my 13 year old Boy Scout pretty tight after I heard, and pretty frequently thereafter the rest of the week.

But he's on his way today for a service project at the local Scout Camp, and helping get the troop's gear in shape for the trip to Virginia next month for Summer Camp. Wee Hob will have to miss that, as there's a program here he needs more that conflicted with the Summer Camp dates. I've got another Reds game this afternoon (dare I hope we get rained out?) so I couldn't go with the guys. And I'm at Panera with the idea that maybe I should get some writing done today. And you see I'm making a journal post instead. Which is writing, of a sort....

I'm also online to be supportive of my good work friend, who has gone in to help with the switchover to the new company's network. Our boss should be there, but he "had plans." I think if they're going to get rid of him, this switchover will be when they'll do it, and he's not been giving them any really good reason to keep him on, honestly. It's frustrating watching it, and I feel bad about it. We all do. So with my friend stepping up to help and being in today because our boss refused to do it, I can't believe they won't talk to him about the future and offer him a role in it. Sadly, might be the only thing that saves the rest of us. I still keep expecting them to just replace us all with new people who are more open to their way of doing things, judging us based on my boss' (and some other people's) behavior. Hope not, as I am starting to like what I'm doing again and am seeing some ways I can move into better roles myself. If they keep us on.

I've been meaning to mention the Cicadas. This isn't as widespread as the emergence of a different brood in 2004, but up where I work they are Everywhere. Unlike the annual cicadas, which are usually green or greenish black, these are cool black bugs with red demon eyes. From a distance, as they fly back and forth in the trees, they look like bees buzzing around a hive. They are loud enough in the afternoon to be heard over the highway noise and my radio as I'm on 71S going home. Driving through them reminds me of the shots of the Starship Enterprise going through a starfield. Except some of these "stars" are not quite so lucky as to miss my windshield. But there's a gazillion more where those came from.

Well, I have some work to get done before I go out to the ballpark. Hope to revise a bit of ILP 8 and finish ch 9. And get started on editing my Summer of Giles Epic. I've recently joined a WIP finishing community, and a rolling ficathon where you have to complete a chapter the last Monday of each month. I really need to get something resembling a work ethic. Ah well. Happy Saturday to all.

A Gathering of Snapish Views (from others)

2008-06-13T01:31:59Z

I'm cutting and pasting in a bunch of quotes from the loose_canon board of responses I got to my ideas about Snape and Dark Magic. It's for my own use, and I'll put it behind a cut, but if anyone wants to see it, have at. First and foremost, though, a link to a most excellent essay by bohemianspirit. If you missed that one, it's worth a look.

And now the excerpts from loose_canon posts:

from silvialaura2002:
Jodel has a great essay on the magical theory on her site, and a part
is about wands being used to prevent magic to take over the caster:
http://www.redhen-publications.com/Vanity.html . I think it's in one
of the compressed files.

silvia again, answered by whitehound:

(silvia) Snape's description of the Dark Arts in HBP sounds like a more
convincing description - as something evolving, as opposed at the
rigid distinctions and coded way of doing things taught at school

(wh)I'd forgotten about that speech. It does actually suggest that Dark
Arts may be a special cass of magic - something more amorphous and
fluid than the organised amgic taught at Hogwarts.

Coud Dark Arts be primarily wandless, channelled thorugh the caster
and so both seductive and potentially damaging? It would be a bit
like taking cocaine. The Native Americans who first devised it take
it in minute amounts, so it acts as a stimulant and does little or no
harm, but there's always a risk of being seduced by it, of taking
more, of feeling the rush of power and then being destroyed by it.

conversation between myself and whitehound:

(hob)Thanks for this. Some very good points. I have to say, though,
that I never read Snape's comments about the Map as a serious
assessment-- more a needling the supposed Dark Arts expert about
something Snape must have had some strong suspicions about, and not
just because he'd caught Harry with it.

(wh)But it had to be a *reasonable* thing to needle him about - it had to
be possible for it to be true. You wouldn't point at a book of
knitting patterns and say "What are you doing with that counterfeit
money?", because it would just make you sound mad. It had to be
possible that a parchment which on the face of it did nothing except
make cheeky remarks really was Dark magic. That;s possible and eve
likely if Dark magic means "involving demons", because there could be
a spirit trapped in it - but how could a rude parchment even semi-
seriously be taken for a soul-suckig Evil?

(hob)I think you're right about the demon idea, and your points about
how the Good side prior to this AU start obviously uses things like
dementors and curses for its own purposes are well taken. Though
there, too, I always read the dementors and use of Unforgivables in
the last war as evidence of the Ministry's corruption.

(wh)Yes, but I wasn't talking about Unforgivables. I was talking about
the Reductor curse, which is on the syllabus, and Locomotor mortis
and Petrificus totalus, which Harry learned from books freely
available in the library. There's no clear definitiion of a curse -
personally I think it's a spell which *coud* potentially be harmful
and whose effects are in one way or another especially strong.
***
another response by whitehound, quoting bits of the original essay

(hob) Dark Magic is unadulterated Evil, and it is somewhat sentient, fed and fueled by the elemental spirits of this world.

(wh)This makes sense in terms of real-world magical traditins, but not so
much sense in the HP universe. We see terms like Dark magic and
curses thrown around quite randomly, and yet some things which are
labelled curses are on the curriculum. Defence Against the Dark Arts
seems to involve defence against any sort of aggressive spell - and
why would Snape suggest that a parchment which insulted people reeked
of Dark magic?

I have suggested myself that Dark magic may be magic involving
demons, which is what you'd probably mean by it in real magical
traditions, and in that case Snape might mean the parchment had a
spiriit trapped in it - something like Peeves, perhaps. But he'd
hardly accuse it of being a soul-sucking Evil.

(hob) It Wants to be used, because each time it is used, the collective Darkness is fed by the life force or magic of living beings.

(wh) In that case, the Dementors are Dark magic, and the Ministry is using
them openly. I mean, I think they *are* Dark, very dark - but the
Ministry tries to promote them as a Good Thing and On Our Side.
Could it do that if they were the very epitome of a unified force
defined as Evil with a capital E?

Persdoally I think you'd be better going with the demon idea. That
way, there's a risk of all the things you mentioned - of being
seduced, of being sucked in - but it's not as immediately obviously
dangerous and Evil, and *can* be controlled and even used for good by
very skilled practitioners. That explains the ambiguity, why Remus
is definted as a Dark creature (because the were part is a demon,
without necessarily being outright evil) and why Sev erus might think
a talking parchment was Dark.

That still leaves you to wonder why he'd call Sectumsempra Dark
magic, though - since as far as one can see it is neither demon-
powered nor soul-sucking.

(hob) Young Severus Snape wanted knowledge and to undo the victimization he'd suffered in childhood and at school. He would be more powerful than those who sought to hurt him, and he would achieve the recognition and acclaim he'd been denied.

(wh) Except according to JK he joined because he was insecure and wanted to belong to something bigger than himself, and because he thought it would make him look cool and thereby impress Lily.

(hob) I posit this because Tom is, at best, evil with the small E if
all he's got is bigotry and the desire to live forever. Even as a man who
kills and tortures others, he's hardly a threat to the World Itself.

(wh) That depends on how grandiose his ambitions were. Look at the amount of damage Hitler or Pol Pot managed to do with obsessive bigotry and conventional Muggle weapons. If Tom wants a wizarding hegemony everywhere in the world, he could turn out to be Pol Pot with nukes.

(hob) He's more Faustus than Antichrist. And in my story, he needs to be Evil.

(wh) Sure - but that's an AU scenario.

(hob) But it's important to note that my Snape *was* a Death Eater-- he was wholeheartedly following the Darkness when he joined Voldemort,

(wh) Acording to JJK he was an insecure teenager who wanted to look cool. And the internal evidence in the stories, and her comments at interview, suggest he was never very fierce and probably never killed.

What you need him to be for your story is a different matter.

(hob) And it certainly explains how he could be so verbally and emotionally nasty to those around him

(wh) He's much less emotionally nasty than Dumbledore, and as for being
verbally nasty this really needs no explanation except stress, a rather spiteful temperament and a northern English cultural tradition which values both sarcasm and blunt speaking.

(hob) In some ways, seeing the world like this solves some Dumbledore sized problems-- D serves the light, but he is hardly its embodiment. Like an impious priest, the man's faults or lack of faith do not affect the reality his ceremonial actions represent.

(wh) That would be useful, if the rest of it fit.

(hob) In other ways, it's even more of a problem-- how does Dumbledore with the same character flaws not get seduced by the darkness himself? Or does he and then pull back for much the same reasons Snape does?

(wh) Because it would mean handing over control to another entity?

(hob) Because the Prophecy-- that only Harry can be the one to cause Voldemort's end-- is another of the Elemental Truths of this story's universe. It has and creates a Reality of its own.

(wh) I think it has in the HP universe too, whatever Albus says. It may
not be immutable, but it at least describes a very strong probability
which it would take great effort to avoid.

On Dark Magic in "In Loco Parentis"

2008-06-08T02:45:57Z

My Snape essay got kinda taken over by this one. Thanks to the denizens of the Yahoo Group loose_canon for the recent discussions that led me to realize I need to get these issues straight before I can do much more with the story. They led me to pose the question there, in what sense is Dark Magic Evil? (Dark chocolate isn't, after all.) And here's what I've come to, for the purposes of my AU.

Dark Magic is unadulterated Evil, and it is somewhat sentient, fed and fueled by the elemental spirits of this world. It Wants to be used, because each time it is used, the collective Darkness is fed by the life force or magic of living beings. And it wants to corrupt the user to make him tap into and steal others’ energy, to actively participate in evil against others, because by doing so, it ensures its continued survival and growth. Most Dark Arts practitioners eventually die and become subsumed by Darkness, unless they turn away from it and redeem themselves prior to their death. Thus there is evil, the small petty crimes a man may do, and there is Evil, a cosmic force bent on seducing the living and slowly crushing out of its victims all sparks of kindness, compassion, love, and humanity.

Seduction is the key— whether there is a personal Devil or not, something offers a wizard something he wants, and lies to him about the price he will pay for it, and what he’s actually getting. Young Severus Snape wanted knowledge and to undo the victimization he’d suffered in childhood and at school. He would be more powerful than those who sought to hurt him, and he would achieve the recognition and acclaim he’d been denied. The Darkness used Tom Riddle, and his and Snape’s hatred of their Muggle fathers to sell a Wizards-only racial agenda, but the racial agenda was not the chief draw for either or them. It just happened to be in the air— the previous Dark Lord had used it to manipulate bitter angry bigots a generation back, and Tom found it molded his organization well. As swythyv says, this is a very old war.

I posit this because Tom is, at best, evil with the small “e” if all he’s got is bigotry and the desire to live forever. Even as a man who kills and tortures others, he’s hardly a threat to the World Itself. He’s more Faustus than Antichrist. And in my story, he needs to be Evil. And Snape needs to have rejected him, then have spent the next nearly 2 decades treading the dangerous and draining line between Light and Darkness so well that the Darkness never suspected his true loyalties. Lucky for him, the Darkness is not able to read the heart, only to suck its pain and energy to sustain itself. And Tom was not able to read Snape’s true loyalties, either. So there has to be a force behind Tom that seduced them both, and Tom is still there fighting the Evil fight, while Snape has broken off, in part because he could not let go of his childhood love, but also in part because the Evil sickened him, and he saw through the empty promises and was at heart a good and honorable man. The one thing Snape might have traded all for was his integrity, and it’s the one thing the Darkness could not offer him.

But it’s important to note that my Snape *was* a Death Eater— he was wholeheartedly following the Darkness when he joined Voldemort, and when he was developing and studying the age regression curse for his Master, and when he was taking the half heard and understood prophecy back. Realizing Voldemort intended to kill Lily was the catalyst for his change of heart, but he could not have gone on to live the kind of life he did if there hadn’t been more to it. And it certainly explains how he could be so verbally and emotionally nasty to those around him— between stress and the need to keep everyone at arm’s length to maintain his cover as a spy it’s a wonder he wasn’t much, much worse. Also, to keep up appearances, he has been feeding the Darkness just enough to cover his true intentions. The fact that he’s managed to hold on to as much of his integrity as he has is even more remarkable.

Now, he has to study the Dark Arts again to figure out what Dumbledore wanted him to know— not study Defense books and teach it, but the actual, unadulterated Real Thing. And he has to let Hermione be exposed to it, at least a little, and he has to worry that the same things that drew him might entice her, as well. She has some character flaws that would make her ripe for seduction by the Darkness— her domineering and controlling nature, her belief that she truly knows better than everyone around her what should be done, and more recently, a trauma that leaves her very motivated to never be that powerless again. And Good Intentions should not be discounted— she really wants to protect Harry and Snape. Getting her on the slope will not be nearly as hard as getting her off it.

In some ways, seeing the world like this solves some Dumbledore sized problems— D serves the light, but he is hardly its embodiment. Like an impious priest, the man’s faults or lack of faith do not affect the reality his ceremonial actions represent. In other ways, it's even more of a problem-- how does Dumbledore with the same character flaws not get seduced by the darkness himself? Or does he and then pull back for much the same reasons Snape does? Possibly some of the backstory of the Prince's Tale will have to be jettisoned-- particularly the version of Snape's meeting with Dumbledore on the hilltop. At any rate, this Dumbledore is enough aware of the stakes to believe, rightly or wrongly, that every opportunity must be taken to ensure the prophecy comes true.

Because the Prophecy—that only Harry can be the one to cause Voldemort’s end— is another of the Elemental Truths of this story’s universe. It has and creates a Reality of its own. Dumbledore has tried to set up and manipulate a situation where Harry will do the right thing at the right moment. But I think in this version we’re going to see that it’s love— first from his mother before he was old enough to remember it, and later from Hermione and Snape— that cause him to rise above the same kinds of experiences that turned Tom into an evil man, and later, a vessel for Evil itself.

I honestly think this is the kind of story JKR wanted to be and thought she was telling, and it’s why so many times she just asserts things and moves on, never really showing them to be true or not, and sometimes tripping over her assertions later. We’ll see whether or not I can avoid the same, which given I’m only showing a few weeks of this AU, I should be able to pull off. There's something to be said for limits, after all.

Thoughts? Comments?

Character musings

2008-06-07T12:43:28Z

A long while back, I found it helpful to set down in writing the way I viewed the character of Rupert Giles to see how I was or was not capturing his essence as I wrote:
Original "My Giles" Post (have to scroll down a bit) -- And a later addendum.

It strikes me now that, in addition to rereading this and doing a couple more for the Willow and Ethan of my Summer of Giles Story, I really need to do one for Snape. The Snape of "In Loco Parentis" is not the same Snape as the ghost in "Lost Boys." Neither are quite the Snape from canon, either.

That's perfectly okay. While fanfiction creates the expectation that your work is going to be highly derivative and based on a common framework, each writer brings his or her own "take" on the characters, puts them in situations quite unlike those we see in canon, and often has to choose among inconsistent clues from different places in that canon. And sometimes, while choosing, has to decide what kind of character he wants to spend time with.

So, that will be my project for the day, after helping out with the church Rummage Sale, getting Wee Hob a shiny new planner to write down his plans for completing merit badges this summer (and inexplicably, he wants me to teach him Latin, which, yeah, I'll do as long as he promises not to be a Dunderhead and actually does some homework) and cleaning up a bit.

But in the meantime, if anyone wants to weigh in on any of these characters, particularly how you see Snape (and Hermione) in "In Loco Parentis", I would love to see what has been coming across for you. I can already tell from a couple of reviews on this last part that I need to be doing a better job of making clear how this Snape is unlike the one in canon, and making the how and why of that plausible for the purposes of this story.

Happy Saturday, all.

Fic Rec: "Still, Life, with Modifications" (HP Genfic)

2008-06-06T03:27:03Z

Yes, I know I should be in bed. But I just ran across this fantastic story and had to rec it on the_new_library and leave scads of feedback for it. (You know how I get sometimes.) See what's been keeping me up past my bedtime and spamming your f-list tonight here.

Something Amazing, and some excitement

2008-06-06T00:49:12Z

Last night Wee Hob and I got dressed up to attend the annual banquet for the Bishop's Choir. I haven't been as regular and faithful to the group as I'd like to be, and I was honored to be invited anyway. But the real honoree that night was an amazing fellow who has devoted the last 74 years of his life to this chorus. Here's the article that ran in the local paper.

The night began rather ominously, as we had a tornado warning and had to spend the first half hour in the basement offices at the local college where the banquet is always held. Luckily, I'd got a glass of wine just before the evacuation was called, and our beer-meister came with the cooler as we got settled in. When we were allowed back upstairs, we had a lovely dinner and Wee Hob was fairly well behaved, even though his best pal, the young goblin grandson of our fearless leader, was doing his best to come up with clever ideas to get them both into trouble.

They showed still photos, then a video of the choir's trip to Rome in the 1980s. There were recordings of Cliff from the 1970s, singing some of his signature solos quite well. And then the Good Monsignor presented him with a replica of the Pieta, similar to the replica that graces our Cathedral, a lovely token of appreciation from the Parish for an unimaginable 74 years of service. The Good Monsignor was quite gracious; in fact, he sat next to me at dinner and did not give me any reason to wish to hex him. He wasn't effusively friendly, but then, he's not that way with anyone.

Cliff's brief speech, hampered quite a bit by tightness of the throat and being so emotionally moved and overwhelmed by our outpouring of love, was very touching. We all sang with and for him, of course. He wouldn't be retiring now if it weren't for the fact that a couple of months ago he suffered a heart attack at mass and now can't get up the stairs to the choir room for practice, or up the winding stone staircase into the choir loft for mass.

I hope I am as gracious when it comes time for me to pack it in. You could tell it almost kills him, not to be able to sing with us any longer. But he's right, there does come a time when we have to accept our limitations. Still 74 years. He's right-- it's nothing to be ashamed of, and a feat unlikely ever to be equaled.

New Chapter Posted - "In Loco Parentis", HP, Genfic

2008-06-04T02:56:12Z

For all those following it, the next chapter of "In Loco Parentis" is up here.

In case you missed it

2008-06-04T00:23:41Z

Saw this on the Sunnydale Herald today and signed up. The finish-a-chapter ficathon sounds like a fantastic way to build/ keep momentum going, but even if it's not, I'm in. Ch 8 of In Loco has been through first beta, I know what I need to fix, and I hope to get in a shape to post this week. I've got a direction on 9, as well. And I've got some editing on Summer of Giles to start soon.

But writing this entry is not getting any of that stuff written, so-- back to it.

But there are a couple of folks on this f-list I would be Delighted to see jump in here. In particular, (cough Water Hold Me Down cough and De Profundis .)

It's Summer? Summer of Giles? Already??

2008-06-02T00:01:53Z

Oh my. Just looked at the master list. Good news is, my posting day is the day before I leave for Texas to visit my mom.

Bad news is, it's about 8 weeks from now. I really am going to have to get on the ball here and figure out what to do, and how to fix my 06 Nano Novel to be a suitable Summer of Giles offering.

In other news, Wee Hob had a wonderful time whitewater rafting in Tennessee this weekend with the Scouts. As it was raining this morning, he brought a damp tent home and it is now set up in our living room to dry/air out. I think he plans to sleep in it tonight, after he finishes his dinner and the Homework he didn't have time to do before he left Friday afternoon.

I had a good weekend, too. Had a quiet dinner with my platonic friend, watched Snow Cake with him after. Saturday was Way Too Long at the ballpark, though we came out better on the money afterward. If they dock us again for any reason though, that's it. Too much effort for too little money. I made a determined effort to drag myself out of bed and into the shower before noon, but only because I knew I would have to go pick up the Wee Hob early in the afternoon.

But mostly, I just needed to wibble about the fact that Summer of Giles has started. Which I have now done.

Happy Birthday, coyote_william

2008-05-30T01:45:22Z

Here am I, skating in just at the wire to wish a very happy birthday to coyote_william. I have been meaning to read her Gifts for a long while now. Or rather, read to the end of what was there. I started it again last night, and -- wow. Her Dawn coming across a now human Spike 5 years post Chosen (in an AU where S5 of Angel never happened) is wonderfully rendered, and the interesting ways the two have grown, and how they are alike in some ways, is well worth reading. It eventually reunites William (as he now prefers to be called) and Buffy. But so far, I really like William's backstory and the different explorations of family relationships. At any rate, the best birthday gift you could give her would be to go read and leave some feedback.

Better get back to helping Wee Hob pack for the Whitewater Rafting trip this weekend. He seems to have learned a little from the last one. Though somehow he has the idea that if one sleeping bag is good, three would be ideal....

Good night, all.

Anybody know who made these icons?

2008-05-28T22:56:35Z

Thanks to dragonydreams for the link to her lovely icons page, whence I snagged this lovely gem. I have some others, though, that I have no idea where I got them, and the guilt is weighing heavily on my soul. Does anyone know where these three came from?

http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/57280084/11102969
http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/57280043/11102969
http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/57600886/11102969

Also, I just got done reading the latest installment of JK Phillips' "Unchosen," and man-- if you haven't read it, start it now. It's refreshing reading Buffyverse fic this good, and at the same time reminiscent of stuff I read when I first came to the fandom. I don't know how to explain it, except to say that there's a freshness to it similar to the fics spawned by earlier seasons, before the bone crushing angst of later seasons took hold. It's not light and fluffy, but it's not as ponderous as later stuff I've read, either. Or maybe, as later stuff I've written is fairer. At any rate, here's the link to her site.

Finally, Wee Hob is determined to go swimming today, despite the fact that it was 40 something degrees (Fahrenheit) last night, is in the 60's now, and I've said No repeatedly. If he asks One More Time he will not go swimming until after school lets out in another week and a day, even if it's a hundred out there.

JK Phillips' "Unchosen"

2008-05-28T01:49:33Z

I've just now got to looking at the new installment on this, but I notice she has the following request on her home page:

Also, if anyone out there is really good at doing graphics, I have a request for a cover for Unchosen. I tried contacting Dusty, who did the beautiful cover for Death Brings Clarity, and had started on one for Unchosen (before I lost it in my computer theft), but I don't know if my contact info for her is still valid and I haven't heard back. So I'm looking for anyone else who would be willing to give it a try?

I'm almost sure Dusty is related to some of you on my flist, but if not, I also know there are a lot of talented graphics artists on it as well. If you have anything to offer either of her requests, go here and follow her links on the May 21 entry to get in touch with her. (I emailed her a bit of feedback and she was most gracious in her reply.)

I'll have to let you know what I thought of the story later. Thanks again to sniggs for the original heads up that let me know this long languishing WIP was back in business. If you're at all a fan of the Buffyverse, you should check this author out. (Fair warning-- Buffy/Giles implied; sometimes more than that. But worth reading even if you dislike that sort of thing, for the kids, Giles as a dad and widower, and Ethan being Ethan.)

Feed the Summer of Giles Plot Bunny

2008-05-26T12:01:59Z

As I was reluctantly waking up this morning, I got the flash of a question about the Buffyverse. Remember that stupid throw away line in Chosen, where Giles says he has to "dig up" his sources "quite literally; some of them are dead." What do we know about talking to the dead in the Jossverse? Would Willow, hearing that, follow Giles and confront him about not letting her say goodbye to Tara? Would he have a good reason why he didn't try to contact Tara? Or Jenny? Or Joyce?

I'm thinking something about taking the Oath as a Watcher means you're agreeing to be eternally "on call" and since so many books were destroyed, he won't have any choice but to consult some of the dead, even though it usually isn't done. And sometimes people joke about uncomfortable things, and his flippancy is the result of stress and not really wanting to disturb the dead. Particularly the dead he had personal history with.

Anyone want to speculate about this idea? Or provide canon information that will likely have escaped my notice?

And thanks to katekat1010 for the lovely selection of Giles icons; for some reason I had none. If anyone has other Giles icon sources, please let me know-- hers were the first I stumbled across. I'd like a Giles hugging Willow one, I think. You can go to my user pics to see what I have so far-- all the Giles ones are hers. Except kitten giles-- anyone know who made that? I need to credit it appropriately.

Lazy Sunday

2008-05-25T19:38:08Z

Holiday weekend has been a welcome respite from the craziness of my work lately. One of the cool things I did yesterday afternoon was walk down to Starbucks (much easier with my shiny new lighter laptop and backpack) and work on importing all my writing into Scrivener projects. I only have Pages on this machine for another couple of weeks, so I need everything I'm going to want to keep converted to Word before then. And as long as I'm converting, I may as well also import the files into my new noveling software.

Also had just sent part 8 of In Loco to betas. So I felt justified looking at some of my other WIPs as I was importing and organizing my files. After all, Summer of Giles is almost here. I went back and read through the first part of my 06 Nano Novel, both the original and the one taking gillo's beta comments to heart. I'm surprised how not horrible either version is (though the second draft is considerably better than the first.) It was also kind of fun to imagine what sahiya and research_girl would say if they could see this mess, and how POV and other errors really jump out at me now in a way they didn't two years ago.

I didn't realize I'd managed to do the whole first part of the 06 Nano Novel in Willow's POV alone. Not sure how I'm going to remedy that-- Giles and Ethan's POV will come to be important later (particularly when Ethan's off doing his own thing on his way to instigating some action in Part 2.) But 8,948 words in a single POV like that establishes a lot of expectations. Problem with adding alternating POV now is Giles has been so cut off from everyone and nobody knows what's going on with him, and adding his POV would mess that dynamic up-- much of Willow's POV revolves around her observations and trying to figure things out as it is.

I still need to post a long treatise on the work situation, but I can't bring myself to do it now. It's too peaceful and lovely out now to dredge it all up. Wee Hob and I have a Parade tomorrow with the Scouts, then Indiana Jones now that we've almost finished watching the originals (Wee Hob had never seen Raiders. Ever.)

Say, has anyone else gotten a private message from a jonah8079 saying something about having something for you? They sent a PM and then followed up with a journal comment. But I have no idea who or what this person is. When they first posted, I went to their journal to see if I could figure it out, and there was nothing. Now there are a couple of generic music I like posts. It's just strange, is all.

I said "Lazy Sunday" but I sang this morning and need to get ready to go back again. Hope everyone has a lovely day/ holiday.

A Weekend Miscelleny

2008-05-19T00:38:00Z

An exhausting weekend. Worked a Reds game in a concessions stand to make money for Wee Hob's 8th grade DC trip (next May) on Saturday afternoon. It was a very long day for way too little money-- in fact, as our group's registers/ area was short money/ inventory, we may end up having made not even the guaranteed 65 bucks for over 9 hours of work (prep/ game/ cleanup/ waiting around a couple of hours while their staff tried to reconcile our computerized sales with the money turned in. And you know, it's depressing, but I routinely make $100 bucks for a wedding, which is 2 hours, tops, even with a rehearsal thrown in.) Was in so much pain today afterwards I didn't really get out of bed until around 3:00, except to take mass quantities of ibuprofen. Wee Hob was unusually solicitous-- he knows he so owes me.

I didn't make Wee Hob take his ADHD meds today so I had the joy of dealing with an unusually squirrelly (even for him) kid at Mass tonight. I did get to see some friends from the May Festival rehearsing for tonight's performance. They do the Sunday night concert at the Cathedral Basilica, and they were running over their allotted time (as usual) as I was coming in to sing my night mass. Another couple of years, and I'll be up there again. Wee Hob was kind of impressed with the sound, so that was cool.

I also did some writing on ch 8 of In Loco. I'm reluctantly letting go of a couple of scenes I really liked that no longer fit in the story. I also watched some of the Privet Drive scenes from the various movies and discovered my version of their house and the movie version is a bit different (I was intending to model my story on the movie sets.) Ah well.

Finally, I wanted to pimp this post for friends not a member of riters_r_us or shared_wisdom. This is on finding and working with/ being a beta, but both communities have a lot of cool topics of interest to writers, that is, most of my flist. I just joined shared_wisdom. I stumbled across this new icon from lit_gal from this community. Go check them out.

I can has groovy box

2008-05-16T02:41:31Z

I came home to a super obscurely groovy surprise tonight. willowgreen sent me a box of stuff from her stash of "obscure grooviness." Wee Hob and I were both delighted, he even though he's been under the weather for a couple of days with an odd spring fever (with actual fever. He had to come home from school yesterday, and he came in today and mostly slept tonight, with brief stints of soup eating and a shower.)

Anyway, thanks to willowgreen for your generosity. Now I have to come up with something equally groovy for snarkysneak.

But at the moment, bedtime I think. For those of you staying up later, I highly recommend the next chapter in Malora's continuing epic, Never Say Remember. Her dialogue is perfect, understated but full of meaning, and damned funny when it needs to be. She is the poster child for why people should finish a draft before posting anything-- this story is so tightly crafted and beautifully done, so unlike mine. Don't get me wrong, mine has its moments. But it wanders a lot, and I am seeing, reading it to Wee Hob the past couple of nights, how much could and should be cut. Ah well. Information for next time.

Snow Cake (Movie Review)

2008-05-16T02:26:45Z

Oh my. I just saw the most amazing movie. "Snow Cake," starring Alan Rickman and Sigourney Weaver. What a beautiful, life-affirming story, with wonderful performances and a very unusual plot.

Here's a decent review.

And here's my take on it. (Spoilers, probably.)

Briefly, Alex Hughes, recently released from prison, picks up a young hitchhiker, Vivienne, a lovely, unconventional, free spirit who sees in him a man with a story, and a need. Just as they are settling into a kind of camaraderie, a car accident claims the girl's life. Though not his fault, Alex travels to the girl's home to offer his condolences to her mother, Linda. He finds there a high functioning autistic woman, now alone, and isolated as much by her condition as by her circumstances, and he somehow finds himself staying for a few days to help with arrangements.

I loved the parallels in this movie-- how Alex and Linda have both lost a child, how her unique way of relating to the world gives him something he needs to get past his loss and guilt, how he, in turn, gives her just the right mix of compassion and acceptance and honesty. He says to her that she's the first person he's ever met to whom he's not had to explain or justify himself, but really he's already done the same thing for her, and it may explain why she accepts him into her life for this short span of time.

But their relationship is not a romantic one. The romantic relationship is with a wise and compassionate neighbor (played by Carrie-Anne Moss), who like young Vivienne, sees Alex's loneliness and sadness and reaches out. Both relationships, romantic and friendship, were wonderfully portrayed, very idiosyncratically true to life, and confer healing and absolution of sorts on each of them.

The cinematography is quite moving too-- the use of light and shadow, the way Linda reacts to "sparklies" and the snow and water, the use of visual images and parallels throughout the movie to convey stillness, movement, relationships. So too is the use of music to give us some sense of the bright light of a girl cut off so tragically before her time.

I highly recommend this movie. I'm also struck again by how different Alan is in the different roles I've seen him play, and how good he is at conveying an emotional depth of reality with very small gestures. In this role, he does lost and bewildered very well, and touched. He is light years from his Snape, and seeing him in this much older role and then pictures of him from OotP (filmed about the same time) he looks years younger in the latter. It's odd, but with Buffy fanfic, I had so many more visual stimuli from the TV show and from other roles I'd seen especially Tony Head perform, and they helped me see how characters in my fics would look and react to things. It's not at all the case with Snape. I have some images from the movies I carry in my head, but I have many more from the books, and from various fanfics, and really his other roles don't have much to say to me for Snape. Maybe I'm growing a little bit, that the words of a scene are starting to come to have more resonance and reality for me than "seeing" the scene as an observer. Don't know what to make of that, but I toss it out for whatever it's worth.

I'm looking forward to the release of Bottle Shock with Alan later this year. Of course, I'm also looking forward to the new Indiana Jones movie next week.

I can has new Xjournal

2008-05-12T02:54:55Z

Apparently, the version of Xjournal I had been using on my old mac needed to be updated to work with OS X Leopard, the latest Mac Operating system release even its refurbished machines ship with. I like the small improvements I see in the interface, and of course, the fact that it no longer crashes when I try to log in.

Thanks again to everyone for Mother's Day and Birthday greetings. No, unless you're just reading this after midnight Eastern Standard time, you didn't miss my birthday, which was Sunday the 11th. A number of people wished me belated happiness, having been led astray by my garbled gollum quote. My precioussss came to me a little ahead of my actual natal day, but it was definitely meant as a present to me, and the coolest I've received in a while. Except for the roses Wee Hob got me today, in lieu of his other outstanding idea, which was a cane. He dropped that idea after I threatened to pound him into the ground with one if he dared. Cheeky little thing. Don't know where he gets it.

I'm too tired to go into all the work drama just now, though, and it sounds like Wee Hob's wash is done. Once I put it in the dryer, I can go to sleep. I'll post more later.